Love and Despair
by Itachis-Only
Summary: Deidara is a 15 year old, closet case homosexual orphan with only his homophobic, protective room mate for a friend. He is tortured daily by another boy in the orphanage, and one day he flies off the handle, nearly beating him to death. The only thing keeping him out of juvvee is the orphanage director with an ulterior motive. HidaDei. YAOI. RAPE. Rating may change!


**((Hey there guys and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know, this is kind of an odd pairing for me to do, and it's not one I would normally choose to write for, but this story was a request from hidan deidara lover and was the first story request I have ever received! How could I turn it down? Besides, I got some pretty decent inspiration so naturally I had to write it down! x3 I know I'm terrible for starting yet ANOTHER story, but I promise this one will be short! I don't have enough ideas for a long multichapter fic...this'll probably be no more than three chapters. I'm sorry if you want more but I got enough work to do! xD So yes...I am kind of excited about this one though! The wheels are turning, they're turning! So I hope you all enjoy this, especially you hidan deidara lover!))**

* * *

"Fuck you! That little bitch deserved it! If he wasn't asking to get the shit beat out of him, he should keep that retarded mouth of his shut!"

"Here we go again." Deidara said to himself, sighing as he squished himself into the corner of his bed, put his hands over his head and braced himself.

Seconds later the door burst open, revealing one very pissed off roommate, who wasted no time in grabbing the first thing he saw and throwing it against the opposite wall. The door then slammed shut and, with steam practically rolling out of his ears, Hidan kicked his bed, stubbed his toe, cursed again and finally flopped onto his own bed.

Deidara sighed again and uncurled himself from the corner of his bed, making his way over to Hidan's. It was like this all the time. Someone would say something that pissed the other off and the next thing anybody knew, some kid was in the infirmary with a broken nose and Hidan was in trouble.

"Leave me alone." Hidan grumbled as he felt the bed dip behind him. Deidara smiled softly. "What happened this time Hidan-kun?" He asked gently, placing his hand on Hidan's shoulder and rolling the man onto his back. Violet eyes glared up at blue, but the gaze quickly softened and a sigh escaped the silver haired man's lips.

"That retard Mizuki picked a fight and I beat the shit out of him. Again."

"What'd he do?"

"Insulted Jashin-Sama. I tried to do what you said. I tried to keep calm and walk away, but he just kept running his damn mouth! Then, when he wasn't getting a response, he told me to run back to 'that little faggot' and I lost it." Deidara frowned slightly. He knew the 'little faggot' was him, and a pang of sadness struck his chest. Hidan was always sticking up for him, getting in fights and getting in trouble. It was messed up. Deidara should be able to stand up for himself. He shouldn't need Hidan to stick his neck out like this. But he did.

"Hidan, you have to stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Beating people up when they insult me. It's ok."

"No it's not!" The Jashinist said, sitting up suddenly and startling the blond.

"People need to keep their damn mouths shut! Just because you have long hair and look like a girl doesn't mean you're gay! And they don't have any right to call you that anyway, because they're all fags too!"

Deidara sighed. "You know, sometimes when you defend me you only end up insulting me."

Violet eyes blinked with confusion. "Huh?"

Deidara chuckled. "Hidan-Kun, you're an idiot. Saying that I look like a girl isn't exactly flattering."

"...well...you do KINDA look like a girl..."

"Not helping. I really hope you didn't say that to him."

Hidan grinned a bit sheepishly. "Um...oops?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "And thus the problem gets worse."

"...Sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. They're going to pick on me no matter what, so it's pointless to even worry about it."

Hidan's expression turned sullen. "It's not right."

"Hidan-"

"How can you be so calm about it? When somebody says something like that to you, or about you? Doesn't it piss you off?"

"Yes, it does, but beating them up isn't going to change anything! They're still going to hate me, and judge me, so I'm just going to suck it up and pray I make it out of here alive. So stop talking and let me patch you up. It looks like he got a good hit in."

"I'm fine." Hidan grumped, but didn't protest when Deidara pulled out a first aid kit and started dressing the bleeding wound on the Jashinist's cheek.

It had been like this ever since Deidara could remember. He'd grown up here, in this shitty little orphanage with Hidan as his roommate. The two had grown to be close friends, and over time, Deidara's feelings grew into something more, and he hated watching Hidan get in so much trouble over him. If he didn't care what people said about himself, why should Hidan care? Then again, if someone said something like that about Hidan to Deidara, he'd probably fly off the handle too, but that was only because he was indeed a 'faggot' as he'd been called hundreds of times before; he'd been in love with Hidan since the start of puberty (not that he'd ever admit to that either), and would go to his grave defending the idiotic Jashinist.

There was silence in the room as Deidara carefully cleaned and bandaged the wound. It was a task he'd done several times before, and he almost wished that the Jashinist had wounds on his chest, so he'd have an excuse to touch the exposed, pale flesh.

"Hey, Deidara?"

The blond's head shot up, and he smiled slightly at Hidan. "Yeah?" He could see a glint of discomfort in those beautiful, violet eyes, causing his brow to furrow in confusion.

"You're...you're not really gay are you? I mean, you do have really long hair like a girl, and that's not really a problem but you're kinda feminine...and you never deny it, ya know, when those bastards say it to your face...I just...I need to know. I mean, you're my best friend, and even though it's against Jashin, I think...I mean..." He sighed, having no clue what to say next.

Deidara's gaze shifted to the dark red blanket covering the bed. He took a deep breath and contemplated what to say. He knew that if he told Hidan the truth, even if he didn't admit his feelings, that their relationship would never be the same. Hidan was incredibly religious and worshiped a god called Jashin. He followed the religions strict rules and commandments without hesitation, even going so far as sacrificing wild animals such as squirrels and rabbits, even though he knew that such animals weren't nearly good enough sacrifices for his god. Deidara knew just about everything about this religion, considering Hidan talked about it constantly, and he knew enough to know that homosexuality was strictly forbidden, because it went against reproduction, ensuring that no Jashinist children would be born of that bloodline, and it was very, very important for Jashinists to find each other and create more foul little devils.

"No. I'm not gay. I just like having long hair. I must have taken after whoever my mother was appearance wise..." This statement hurt Deidara deeply. To be forced to deny his true self to his best, and only, friend, and to talk about the parents he never knew, who deserted him as a child. The look of pure relief that flooded over Hidan's handsome features didn't help with the pain either.

"Ok, that's good...I mean, if you were there's nothing I could do about it...but I'm glad you're not. I'd hate to have to choose between my religion and my little brother." Deidara scowled when a pale hand reached out and ruffled his hair.

"Dammit Hidan, my hair is thin! It tangles easily and gets super staticy!" He whined, quickly rushing into the tiny bathroom connected to their room and readjusting his hair, having to take the ponytail out and re-do it.

"Are you sure you're straight? Because you act like a girl when it comes to that girly hair!"

"Shut up Hidan! There's nothing wrong with me wanting to take care of my hair!"

"That rhymed!"

"Dear Kami, please shut up." And even though he laughed with his friend, he didn't feel any joy. Hidan would never be able to love him the way he loved Hidan, and it hurt.

* * *

A little while later at lunch time, Deidara remembered exactly why he preferred to stay in his room when they had free time.

"Hey fag! Oops!" Mizuki, obviously quite fresh out of the infirmary with a bandage over his nose, a black eye, and quite a few ugly bruises, walked past Deidara and stuck his leg out, tripping him and causing the poor blonde and his lunch tray to collapse to the floor. Gritting his teeth, he picked himself up to his knees and, while the entire lunch room laughed at his unfortunate stumble, started picking up what food he could and putting it back on the tray. After he made sure the floor was clean and the tray was in the dishwasher, he would simply buy something from the vending machine. It would be pointless to get another tray, because Mizuki or some other thug would just shove him down again. Deidara had learned it was best to either be the first to meals so he could get to his seat before anyone had the opportunity to mess with him, or rush in and grab a tray while everyone was filtering out. If he didn't, he missed out on a meal and had to live off of vending machine food until he could time his entry just right.

He was getting rather thin from the lack of nutrition, another thing that pissed Hidan off greatly.

Deidara could feel Mizuki and his stupid cronies' eyes watching him as he wiped up the mess on the floor. He could imagine the smug little smirks on their stupid faces. It pissed him off, but fighting wouldn't do any good. He was glad that Hidan was in the shower and wasn't there to attempt to beat them up. He'd gotten in enough trouble for Deidara's sake today.

"Hey, fag. Where's your stupid little boyfriend? I'm surprised he's not here to stand up for your sorry ass."

"I'm surprised you haven't been murdered yet. Really. It's a shame." Deidara growled, finally finishing up cleaning and setting the tray on the counter, having full intentions of just turning and walking away.

"If anything's a shame it's that your faggot ass was even born. Your parents dropped you off for a damn reason. Nobody wants a fag for a son."

Deidara stopped, his hands clenching into fists at his side. His parents were always a touchy subject for him. He'd always felt a sense of abandonment, and it didn't help that he'd never had any friends, besides Hidan.

"Is that so? Well then!" Deidara snapped, his voice rising as he whirled around to face his bullies.

"Why did your parents drop your sorry ass off hm? Why hasn't anyone adopted you yet? Because you're a rotten, worthless piece of shit! Nobody wants you in their home! The only reason why these idiots follow you around is because you threaten them into doing whatever you want. But you know what? Someday they're gonna get sick and tired of your shit and leave you in the dust! If they really wanted to, they could outnumber you and beat the fuck out of you like you deserve!"

The entire lunchroom fell silent, now staring at the scene between the two boys.

Mizuki's grey eyes twinkled with mischief. It was obvious he was enjoying Deidara's pain. He ran a hand through his black, spiky hair and took a few steps forward, a devious smirk across his lips as he got up in Deidara's face, trying to be intimidating.

"Why don't you beat me up if I deserve it so much? Come on punk, hit me!"

"Don't tempt me."

"Oh please. You're a fucking pussy! You wouldn't hit me. You might break a nail!" Mizuki said in a high pitched voice, attempting to mimic a whining girl.

"Just leave me the hell alone Mizuki."

"I don't take demands too well. You better watch how you talk to me." The black haired boy smirked, shoving Deidara backwards.

"Don't fucking touch me."

"What's wrong? Can't handle it?" Another shove.

"Get out of my face!"

"Aw, you poor thing."

_Shove._

"I said don't fucking touch me!" Deidara snarled, shoving Mizuki back. The boy stumbled, obviously shocked. He regained his composure quickly, a dark scowl taking over his face.

"I know you did not just shove me."

"What's the matter? Can't handle it?" Deidara mocked, smirking. Seconds later the blonde found himself on the ground, his face exploding with pain. Suddenly, Mizuki was hovering over him, a handful of Deidara's shirt clenched in his fists, his devilish face smirking viciously down at the gasping blonde.

"Excuse me? Did you just mock me? What's wrong pretty boy? Can't handle a punch? Why don't you call for your faggot ass boyfriend. Or is he too busy worshiping that fake, faggot ass god of his to help you?"

"Watch what you say about him." Deidara grit out.

"Or what? You'll gay me to death?" Mizuki and his followers laughed.

"Run back to your boyfriend while I'm feeling generous. Use protection. I'd hate for him to give you aids, if he hasn't already." Mizuki started to stand up and when he did, Deidara snarled and lunged forward, knocking Mizuki onto his back and punching him in the face as hard as he could. Mizuki cried out, startled and in severe pain as Deidara had hit him right over his bandaged and bruised nose, and the sound urged Deidara forward. He let his fist fly again, this time splitting the skin on Mizuki's cheek. Adrenaline flowing Deidara hit him again and again, effortlessly throwing off anyone who tried to pry him away. He'd been waiting for this moment for years, and now that it was here he was going to finish this.

He'd pound Mizuki's face in until he was dead.

And then, everything stopped. Deidara was wrenched back, snarling with rage, trying to get back to Mizuki. The black haired boy was now curled up in the fetal position, holding his face, anguished and muffled cries escaping his lips.

"NOT SO TOUGH NOW ARE YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!" Deidara roared as he was swiftly dragged out of the room, the entire lunchroom staring in shock as the school nurse tried to pick Mizuki up to his feet, his followers standing there motionless, jaws dropped.

"Deidara? What the fuck! Deidara!" Hidan's voice was the only thing that snapped him out of his enraged daze. He looked up to see Hidan, hair damp, shirtless in a pair of sweats heading towards the lunchroom. He had stopped in the hallway and was staring at his friend with the same shock as everyone else.

"Fuck man, let him go!" Hidan started moving towards whoever was dragging Deidara backwards.

"Either go eat lunch, or go back to your room, Hidan. Deidara and I have a few things to...discuss." A rock hit Deidara in the stomach when he realized just who had a hold of him. It was the director of the orphanage. A tall, skinny, creepy looking man who might be considered attractive to people with little to no standards who have a thing for scary, pedophile looking men. This man had always frightened Deidara. Something about him didn't settle right. Deidara had often found the man's eyes on him, watching him, staring at him almost unblinking with a creepy grin fixated on his face, before slowly turning away, as if he was indulging in some sort of devious fantasy that he was planning on turning into a reality. He had a odd way of speaking and was way too into touching. Arms, shoulders, sometimes even faces. He licked his lips and laughed alot, needed to cut his hair, was way too pale, and had the weirdest way of dressing. The man was also a giant douchebag. His name was Orochimaru Sanin, and how he got to be a director at an orphanage, Deidara would never know.

The next thing Deidara knew he was being thrown quite roughly into a chair in Orochimaru's office. He watched with a sense of dread as the man locked the door and drew the blinds to the two windows in the room down, ever so slowly. Eventually, he took a seat behind the desk and sat there, smirking at Deidara while staring at him behind his hands. Deidara glanced at him once and stared at the floor.

"So, Deidara-Kun. That was some rage you were letting loose back there. Mind telling me what happened? You don't usually..cause trouble."

"The little bitch wouldn't leave me alone. He kept calling me a fag and pushing me. He knocked my tray out of my hands and insulted my only friend. He deserved it. You should have let me kill him." Deidara responded bitterly.

"Now you sound like Hidan. I think you've been spending too much time with him. Perhaps I should transfer you to another room?"

Deidara looked up, the bitterness in his eyes replaced with sheer terror.

"What? No! You can't do that! It has nothing to do with Hidan! Mizuki deserved it! He's tormented me for years! Please, you can't transfer me...I'll get the shit kicked out of me everyday. My room is my only sanctuary!"

"Well there has to be some punishment. You nearly beat another boy to death, and what you said sounded exactly like what Hidan told me earlier before rudely storming out of my office." The man paused.

"Hidan is a bad influence. A rude little boy. You've made a bad choice in friends."

"He's the only person in this entire place who's ever been nice to me. I don't give a damn what you or anybody else thinks about him. He's all I've got."

"How sad. But do watch your mouth in my presence. I'm not fond of swearing. That's another thing your little...friend...likes to do. Anyway, just what, pray tell, do you suggest I do? You just assaulted Mizuki with the intent to kill...I should be calling the police. You'd have a court date and probably spend some time in Juvenile Hall. And if you stayed here, I would definitely have to switch rooms, to see if there's any...progress...in your behavior."

"I-I'll do anything...clean, work, whatever I have to just..please."

"I'm terribly sorry...You always seemed like a decent enough boy but that back there was attempted murder was it not? I'm afraid I have no choice..." Pale fingers reached for the desk phone and Deidara panicked.

"No! Stop! Please! Dammit, it's not fair! That stupid asshole beats me up every chance he gets! He verbally and physically assaults me day in and day out and when I retaliate I'm the one who gets punished? This is bullshit!" Deidara stood quickly from the chair, fists clenched, tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

Orochimaru paused, his smirk ever present. Slowly, he returned the phone to it's cradle.

"That is quite a predicament." Silence.

"Sit down, boy. I supposed I can make a deal with you. I'm sure you won't like it, but it's got to be a better deal than Juvenile Hall."

Deidara swallowed thickly and nodded, slowly taking his seat again. "I'll do anything..." He said softly.

Orochimaru's smirk broadened, making Deidara feel highly uncomfortable. "I was hoping you'd say that..."

/This is bad...this feels really really bad.../

"I tell you what. I can keep you out of Juvee. I can keep you in the same room as Hidan. I can even keep Mizuki from bothering you any more." As he spoke, Orochimaru rose from his chair and walked slowly over to Deidara's side, spinning the blonde's chair to face him and leaning in close.

"I just need one thing from you."

Deidara's heart was pounding nervously in his chest. He didn't like this at all. When he swallowed, his throat felt dry.

"Wh-what would that be?" He asked quietly, anxiously waiting for the answer.

Orochimaru chuckled and leaned in so his words were being whispered directly into Deidara's ear. What the boy heard made his heart stop.

"Your body."

* * *

**((And thus Orochimaru makes a creepy appearance in my story! I bet you all can guess where this is going. It'll probably seem like the fic is going by kind of fast...I'm not at all good at filler...at all. Seriously. My filler skills are about as bad as my ponytail making in Microsoft Paint Skills. And that my friends, it just sad! Anyways, if you haven't already, go ahead and hit up my profile for my deviantart page if you'd like, or my tumblr and/or facebook page info, both which were made specifically for fanfic updates. Also, if you're into hardcore yaoi, I have a second tumblr specifically for yaoi, most of which is rather...saucy. Do people even use that word any more? xD Anyway, info for that will be appearing on my profile soon as well. So check it out if you'd like! Have a Happy New Years, and may all your resolutions come true!))**


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